I can't think of any grand successes in my lifetime so far. There have been some meaningful success, where I created the meaning and followed up with effort. Not because I'm the hardest working guy in the room, but I liked it, wanted to, and couldn't stop myself. The most grandest of success in my life, is living life on my terms. That mostly has meant failing on my terms too but that's a tiny price to pay.
My greatest strength and weakness is that I believe anything can be done. So, when I was twenty one, I decided to do something very different to what I had studied for. I wanted some life experience. So instead of becoming a software developer, I decided to be a Dive Instructor. My logic was, I'm only twenty one, if let's say at the age of thirty I feel like a failure, I have enough time to restart. Best decision I ever made.
Why? Because to work as a dive instructor I had to move to a whole new place. Before I could even start working, I needed to complete some courses. So I worked in a Cafe, and taught myself how to edit videos because I saw a post on Facebook that someone was looking a video editor. The money would be just enough to pay for my courses and living expenses. The funny part was that I hadn't ever edited a video nor did I own a computer. I was like, how hard could it be. I borrowed my friends laptop, and found out that there is this free software called IMovie. Luckily, the employer also had a Mac, so for the next six months I edited videos for him. Whenever I got stuck, or something felt weird or not right, I looked it up. Or I would just look up other videos and try to emulate what they did.
Anyhow, exactly six months after, the guy closed his company. Turns out he was stealing from his investors. But by then I was diving on the weekends part time, so I dove in. Went to all the dive centers out there and asked them if they needed someone. It's always hard when you are new, but slowly work started trickling in. Soon, I was working for as a dive instructor full time. I did it. I loved every minute of it, till I didn't.
Year six, I started getting bored. I was making mistakes and cutting corners. It's not a place where you want to be doing that. Because when you fuck up, someone might die. So I started venturing into other areas. I bought a few books on design and tried that for a few months, although I did get a few paid gigs, I never really enjoyed the process of it. Luckily, one of my design clients wanted a website. Just like that after six years, I was back where I started. You see, I sucked at programming in university. While building this website, I stayed away from code and used Webflow. I was really scared of going back to programming, because I thought I would fail again. There were a few more projects I got over the next two years. That did not satisfy me either.
Coincidentally, a couple of people suggested that I try programming, within a few days of each other. Plus, I guess deep down it bothered me that I had quit. Especially, that I had managed t learn so many things, because I wanted/needed to.
Timing is everything
To my surprise I loved it. Just because I had made a conscious decision to get good at it. Plus, I learned over the last six years that, a little bit of time and effort can do wonders. It really helps if you want/have to do the thing too. I like to commit fully, so I decided to not renew my Instructor License. I am just blindly confident sometimes. What followed were months of rejections, tears, and me rejecting a job. The job was did not feel right and my intuition would not let me do it. So I quit on day one, hour one. I cried for hours that day, because I thought I was crazy. Turned out I was right, because I got a job that I wanted just a couple months later.
My reasoning was not choosing the job was:
- It was C# and I really did not like C#. The only reason I was able to put a lot of effort was that I enjoyed writing code. So couldn't take this job.
I only got the job because, I was confident that I could the job. So after I got rejected, I told the guy, I'll work for free. If you find no value in my work, you don't have to pay me. He paid me. Honestly, I never thought that would work, but it did. I had nothing to loose. So built a store for him on my own, which is still running. Last year, I bumped into one of the guys I worked with there, he said there have been very few changes to the code since I left. That was nice to hear.
The next few years were super easy, I was naturally interested so I built tools at companies, and since I had spent six years as a dive instructor communication came fairly easy. Plus, thanks to diving, I got good at reading people. You have to be able to spot a panic, two steps before. Panic is not good deep underwater.
Then I guess the worse thing I thought could happen, happened. I got fired from a place after a year and a half of working there. I never told myself this, but I was quite unhappy at work. It paid well and I had a comfortable life so I did not open that can of worms. Especially after years of being broke.
My next decision was unexpected. It helped that a friend of mine introduced me to the idea that a tiny team could build products that made money. There was another way to use my skills. I had a conversation with myself, oddly enough, I had just enough money to try this thing for a year and see if I could make it work. I was like, I've done things in this timescale before, they felt harder, so why not try. So I did, I rejected a few job offers, got rejected a bunch myself. Then built a couple of products that made jack shit. Then I got depressed, thought that my life was over. In that wonderful state of depression, I realized that I need help. First good idea that I had in months. Changed my life. Through the sessions with the therapist, I was able to understand my patterns of thinking that were not helpful. Then do something about them.
Dumb luck paid it's part again, a friend of a friend needed a solution that would stop him from loosing money. All the failed products did teach me how to be able to build things on my own. Plus, all the books I had read came in handy too. So I work for myself now, there is no product team, no stand ups and no one telling me to build the next feature. Sometimes I just improve the things I have already built. I also, own part of the software. Can't talk much about it yet. But will do one day.
Not knowing the amount of effort upfront can be valuable
I have a false confidence when I try to do something, that I can do it. Most of the time, I can. Plus, if I knew how hard something was, I would probably never even try. This has been to my advantage a few times. I have no assumptions of things, don't believe that you have to follow what other have done.
A lot of the times that I failed, I have blindly followed, or not been honest with myself. So now I only fail on my terms. I don't have fixed rules, mostly just my gut saying this does not feel right, and it's always right. Also, not knowing is amazing, it allows you to discover. If I have learned anything, it's that, the way things just work out cannot be predicted. Most importantly, nothing ventured, nothing gained.