I've always envied people who are so fluid with their craft that they make it look effortless. Envy is a good signal, it gives you a hint towards something you desire to possess. It's not the same as jealousy, where you just don't want the other person to have it. Although, envy like other signals are useless unless you do something with it. You've just had a glimpse into yourself, you know a little bit more about yourself. The next step is to explore this signal, why do you want this for yourself? One of the ways I know how is, to explore the thing you envy, go after it. There are a few things, I've learned about myself through the exploration of this signal. The most prominent once are Programming and Weightlifting. Ever since I saw someone do a Snatch in person, I wanted to be able to do it myself. It took me months to just improve my mobility to a point where I could put myself in that position. I had to nearly start from scratch a couple of times due to injuries and life happening. I wondered, why despite it taking a year and me not being very good at it, why do I still want to do it? Turns out I like the process of learning something technical. Probably why I love programming so much, and why I love it more than the programs I can create with it. Programs are just the medium for me to pursue my craft. The process is the real prize.
Today is the first day I'll be snatching after injuring my shoulder six weeks ago. I injured it when I was stretching. I'll probably have to take it slow, but I'm glad I can get back at it. I'll probably make zero contribution to the weightlifting community or inspire someone to do it. But that was never my goal, I'm not planning on breaking any records, especially since I started it last year when I turned thirty. I like to do it because I have a fascination for the technique of moving weight around like that.
As for programming, it's such a pleasure to be able to do this everyday. I can try anything, build anything, without anyones permission. Most importantly there is so much to know, ideas to pursue, that no two weeks are the same. It's not easy, but it's not unattainable either, a little bit of curiosity, a little bit of effort and a lot of patience is all you need. Over the last five years, I've come around to realizing the type of programming, the tools that I find the most joy with. The tools are part of the craft, and I wouldn't trade the terminal for any IDE that comes along. Not because I'm stubborn, but because it's part of the experience for me. Just like my Kenesis is part of the experience of programming. I've only come to these realizations after trying a lot of the other options. I'm not a reviewer, so once I found something I love, my goal was to master it. It helps that I use Tmux and Neovim, so I never need to leave the terminal. Sure, there are so many better ways to do it, but my goal is not find better ways to do the same thing, but to enjoy the things I do everyday. Effort is important but it's only valuable over time. Effort can vary and there are factors that can hinder effort that are out of your control. I like to focus on time, and to be able to do this things for decades. I have to say it's working, I'm more excited about programming today than when I started five years ago. Some of it has to do with, how at ease I feel with some of the tools, languages and utilities that I once thought I would never understand. I guess competence is exhilarating. If I can do it, anyone can. I'm not the smartest or even the most hard working guy in the room, I'm just that guy in the room who enjoys the fuck out of what he does.
It has also, helped that over the course of last year, I understand myself a lot better. That understanding has helped me pursue the things I want more, not by fighting against who I am, but with rather going with it. It's a worthwhile cause to understand yourself better. You can do anything, if you are on your side.
Hope you have something in your life that challenges you too.