It seems like most of our decisions are half chances. We might pour years or decades into something for all of it to be taken away. It's seems grim, but it does not have to be. As long as the journey is appreciated and enjoyed, what happens in the end sort of does not matter as much. Sure, I'd rather it be a positive ending, but worse case scenario you've enjoyed to journey, the destination was always a bonus. It occurred to me that, it's very much possible that my decision/actions could end up in nought. It was scary for a second, but then I asked myself, what else would I want to do? Turns out, there is nothing else I would rather do. It's got energy to it, I feel like I'm doing something with my life. Maybe one day, I can add value to more lives than my own, maybe not, but at the very least, I would have had a huge impact on one life (mine). Everything else is a bloody bonus.
It also reminds me of the Baz Luhrmann song, where he says don't congratulate or berate yourself too much, your choices are half chance just like everyone else's. There is a sense of freedom in that statement, puts less pressure on making the right decisions. If you made a wrong decision you can get it right the next time. I'm glad, I had this thought, helped me evaluate why I do what I do and if it is really what I want to do. I can't help it really, I get this compelling urge to pursue my intuition wherever it takes me. It works out eventually, but the length of the journey is always unknown. The mystery keeps it fresh I guess. Also, a lot of the times, I find myself in places I never thought I'd be, with experiences, I never thought I would be having.
My brain is a bit groggy, as I am still getting used waking up earlier, the systems haven't made peace with this time of the hour yet. So forgive me, if the above is bat-shit crazy. As I'm writing it, it feels quite profound an observation. I'll see if it still feels that way a few days later, but then again I never come back and read any of this.