I have this constant feeling that I don't know what I'm doing, if I do I'm on the lookout for ways to do it better. When none of the above is applicable, I keep my ears and eyes open for something that I don't know. Might seem like a boast but it isn't, it's just how I am programmed, a yearning for mastery. Maybe it's because, I've been mediocre or just above average at a lot of things. After a few of them, you realize, If I had found a way to keep it exciting and done it for a few more years, I would have been a little bit closer to mastery. The knowledge of gaps in my craft gets me going. For all my shortcomings, I have found something that works to my advantage. It only took twenty seven years of meandering this planet to get to, but it was well worth it.
Initially, how I find out new and interesting things was through hacker news, and I have found many articles in the past four or five years that have had a major impact on my programming. There a few of them in my reading list. This might be true for many other programmers.
The other place that I have found many inspirations is ThePrimeagen's youtube channel. It's what I wind down too at the end of the day. Often I come across ideas/concepts that he is exploring or has come across. I'll be honest, a lot of the time, most of what he says goes over my head. But I've realized, the more I program, the more I understand what he is talking about. There is no substitute for doing the work yourself. After my first mentor, who graciously gave me his time to help me learn programming and the technical leads at the last couple companies, I would say ThePrimeagen has had the most impact on my programming career. If I make anything of it or not, I owe him a debt of gratitude.
My most recent hacker news finding is the Web Browser Engineering book. Thanks to ThePrimeagen, I've come across Deterministic Simulation Testing. Both the above have provided me with a new set of things to work towards and in the process become one percent better than I ever was. It brings me a lot of joy, to have something to get better at, and getting better it. The iterative process of improving a system or myself is contagious.
At the end of the day, I want to feel competent and go beyond with programming. There are a lot of things in my life not going the way I expected, just life being life. Somehow, programming is quite the equalizer, I can put time and effort into it and there is a high probability of me getting better. It makes me feel like I have some agency in my life. A sense of peace that, no matter what happens or does not happen, I'll have made myself a decent programmer. In the grand scheme of things I might make no difference to anyone, but myself. So at the very least, I'll impact one life. I'll take that.