Seems like it takes me a lot longer to get back up after a perceived fall. Mostly the disappointment of weeks of work amounting to nothing. It's a tad dramatic that's all. It has not been used yet, not that it's amounted to nothing. Admittedly it took a lot longer than I would have liked. It is what it is. No point pondering over wasted time, it only wastes more time. At the same time it's not completely wasted. I'm still here, going after the things that matter to me. That is an important part of the process. To stick around. Quitting was never an option I gave myself anyways. I don't know what else to do with myself. At the same time I think I felt like shit most of the time, the last three to four weeks also because I had a lot of free time. Turns out I don't do well with free time. After a few days I need something to do, something just outside the reach of my comfort zone. Yesterday was an improvement, today is slightly better. It's not as good as it used to be four weeks ago but it's better than last week. So I'll take it.
I've got something I want to build, I just got started. I'm not sure how to tackle it, but at least I'm glad I've got something. The compiler is nearing it's end, so I need something to replace that. Not sure what that is yet but I'd like to try something visual. Try out some rendering and shit. Recently I came across the Entity Component System and it sounds fucking awesome. I'd like to try my hand at it.
Most importantly I'd like to tackle a fear of mine. Something I've avoided for far too long. I would like to build something difficult and out of my comprehension by figuring it out on my own. No books this time. I'm glad I followed the book to build the compiler, but I'd like to build the next thing by figuring it out on my own. Obviously reading up parts of the thing but I'd like to construct and architect it on my own. It's something I need to face. I know I have got it in me to write the code, it's the figuring shit out on my own that I tend to offload onto a book or something. I know it's something I've been avoiding and I also know it's about time I faced it.