I was going to write this tomorrow but just idea of me writing almost two hundred posts in the last two hundred days feels unreal. Considering just ten months ago I was at the darkest point of my life so far, at least one of them. How one thing can bleed into other aspects of your life. Seven months ago I decided to write one line of a post a day. Turns out, once you start writing it's quite addictive and becomes quite hard to stop. I've broken that rule completely and have written one post a day. The simple practice of writing my thoughts down unfiltered and as I wish to say them would help me understand myself and how I show up in the world. I'm happy to play the game, I no longer hate it, because I know who I am and finding out more about myself as the days go by. There is nothing that I need from the world, I just want to do what I love to do and share it for those who care to listen. And if nobody cares? Even better, you are free to experiment and play, make up your own rules, take down old ones.
I would have never imagined that writing everyday would give me the courage to be able to stream live and I would have never believed it if someone would have told me I would enjoy it. There is something I love about streaming, I can be myself, I don't care if anyone else cares, because I care about the act. Anyone else caring is just the fucking icing on the cake.
As I come to understand myself, I come to understand which games I would like to play and which ones I don't care about. I'm here anyway with all the other humans who occupy it, might as well have some fun while doing it.
Any advice?
Just one, do the simplest version of the thing and do it everyday, if you love it, you'll want to do more of it. If you don't? Find out if you really don't by doing it for at least thirty days straight. If you love it but are afraid of the opinion of others. Firstly, no one actually cares and if you don't believe me. Try not sharing anything, just write for yourself on your own corner of the Internet. Think about how much money people spend to be seen (marketing), you'll be fine. If anyone does come, they'll come for you, as you are. Imagine living your life as yourself, with no roles to play. It is possible, you make the rules of your life.
I guess that was more than one advice.
No one caring is a gift
It took me a while to see this, but when start off it's a good thing no one cares or has an opinion about your work. You are just getting started, you need the freedom that comes through obscurity to explore without the influences of others.
Secret AI censorship
After writing each post I ask the AI to fix any grammatical errors only and leave everything as is. Turns out the cheeky cunt has been omitting words from my post. I just found out today, only because I was curious, so it has been secretly censoring me for the last three months or so and I had no clue. I guess that's the last time I ask the AI overlords for their services when it comes to these blogs. They are alright otherwise though. They can be quite helpful too at times.