It's just ugh, I'm dragging my feet around and it's only eight in the morning. But since I no longer watch YouTube, (yes I've made it to the second week) I have nothing else to do. Never realized that, when I'm not motivated, If I can just make myself bored and have nothing else to do than work, I'll still work. It's like the rat that will punish itself to avoid boredom or it might have been people, not exactly sure. It's something along those lines. It's quite normal to feel this way occasionally, not sure what causes it but it fucking shows up like clockwork. Even since I've embarked on this cruise of embracing the uncomfortable, I'm semi looking forward to days like these, to test my skills. I feel like I'm at the bleeding edge of my limit and it's only eight in the fucking morning. I've taken a coffee break walked outside to play with the neighbors dog since I decided to write down this post. It's taking quite the number of detours to finish this. Hopefully I can get this done this time, I keep loosing track of what I want to write about. If you have read this far you'll have noticed that it's a whole bunch of nothing.
Yet at the same time I'm quite surprised at myself for even getting this far, compared to myself a year ago, I would be on the couch already still bored out of my head, trying to find an escape. There really is no escape from yourself, believe me I've tried. I guess the only thing left to do is to return to myself and accept that this is what it's like sometimes. It's not pretty but it is what it is. Although every word I type, I'm feeling this new sense of energy, I've been working on my first ever mobile APP, I think I'm going to work on that for bit after this. I've just setup my server, I can get it deployed somewhere in the cloud and have some fun with it. I'd like to setup the auth myself, both on the APP and the server as I don't trust the AI with, even if it's the dogs bollocks. Okay, I guess that's all the crap I can spew today. I'll be back tomorrow with probably something a little less gloomy or not. All I care about is showing up, doing the work and getting the fuck out. Everything else is a fucking bonus.