A year ago I decided to write as often as possible. Initially I started by writing every day, mostly out of the need for some habits in my life at the time. I was totally lost and I needed something going for me, something to pursue, something to do consistently. So I picked writing. I'm quite happy with the result of the last year and I would like to continue. I'm not sure if my writing has gotten better; it's hard for me to say, but I do know if I continue writing it'll definitely get better. So that's exactly what I'm going to do. I already knew this, but it is mostly about the journey. This single moment will last for a small while, but most of the time has been spent on the journey. It's almost underwhelming. It hasn't gotten easier as I still find myself in slumps where I write once or twice a week, like the one I'm in right now. The goal is and always will be the same: to show up regardless.
Surprisingly, with streaming I hit a wall yesterday as for the first time since I started, the thought of quitting came to mind and I considered it. It was tempting to take the quit pill. But a voice deep down was whispering otherwise. Luckily my gut has always had my best interest in mind. It's always served me; that small voice is all I needed to hear. I will take a week off at some point but not when I'm feeling like quitting. I know if I take a break now I might not show up. Mostly I think I need to reset my expectations for streaming. Recently it switched to the number of followers or subscribers because they went up quite unexpectedly. One of the reasons to feel burnout is the feeling that the effort is wasted. And if the expectation is to see a rise in viewers, the chances of quitting early on are quite high. There is nothing wrong with wanting more viewers. But I know myself too well; with the right mindset I can stick through hard things for a very long time. It's the third year since I set a goal to squat 160, 200kg. Yes, I've moved it up since last year I realized 160kg was not too far away. I'm at 170kg right now and each kilogram has gotten exponentially harder, yet I enjoy the process of having a goal and pursuing it. Just imagine the possibility of me squatting 200kg. That question has served me well all my life. It's what helps me keep going. Some strange part of me is drawn to it.
Previously when the thought of quitting occurred to me I would honor it nine out of ten times. Since I had the desire to quit streaming yesterday, I'd like to work on two things. The first one, of course, is the change in mindset and the second one is to stream more often. It sounds counterintuitive to me but also something I haven't tried before. I'd like to see what happens, just out of curiosity. I'm thinking of streaming six days a week. I leave one day out for the stream sabbath.