There is a common theme with discomfort, at least with the things that I find uncomfortable, especially the things I know, deep down, I should be facing. What are some of these things for me? Talking to a stranger, specifically a stranger of the opposite sex whom I find attractive; listening to the sound of my own voice; sharing my honest opinions on the Internet; being in front of a camera. Now, there are a few ways to approach these. You can go straight into the deep end and just go for it, which I have tried. The only challenge is that I'm fighting a lot of forces at once. As it turns out, that's not the best approach for me. I've come to value honesty and have promised myself to keep an open mind and figure out other alternatives. I have found a few. I'll start with the easy ones. I swear there is an underlying pattern, but I'm not sure I can articulate it. So I'll go with what has worked and then try to find a pattern like a programmer.
Two birds (not women), one stone
My favorite one that I've been able to get very comfortable with is being in front of a camera and listening to my own voice. Why did I want to be in front of the camera? I realized I program a lot of things, but no one knows about it, which is fine because I really enjoy doing things for their own sake. But recently, I feel maybe it could be valuable to one or two people to see an average person like me get good over time. I've been putting this off because there are just too many barriers, like coming up with ideas, figuring out a way to explain them, editing, and all that. Only recently have I been entertaining the idea of programming live on Twitch.
Streaming live might seem more intimidating than recording a video by yourself, it probably is for some. Turns out I absolutely enjoy it. During my first ever live stream, I had no screens to see what the output looked like and did not turn the mic monitor on, so I did not hear myself in the headphones. It turned out my fears didn't need to be involved while streaming. By the second day, I left chat on in the second screen; by the end of the week, I was fine seeing myself on the screen. In week two, I turned on the monitor to play my own voice. It took a few days, but I got over that too, mostly because I absolutely enjoy streaming. I can work on a side project, people come in, say hello, ask questions; it is a lot of fun.
It helped me overcome my fear of people reading my blogs too; a bloody bonus. I'll take it. So I set up an automation to post it as soon as I hit publish. I don't even need to make the decision to share.
Talking to strangers
This one I haven't figured out yet. I'm running some experiments based on my learning from the above. I'll have to get back on this one. This one is tough, but I've got all the time in the world. It only needs to work once.
Key takeaways so far
The first one would be to see if you can do the thing you are uncomfortable with in a way where your fears don't need to be as involved like me not having to look at or hear myself talk.
The second thing is the realization that people don't actually care. Which might sound bad, but when you are starting out, it's fucking awesome. Just imagine the freedom to try things out without the opinion of anyone. The strange thing is, as I'm learning to be more myself and as I understand myself better, I'm finding people who are looking for the true me. Now, let's say there is literally no one who cares about what you have to say or can do (quite unlikely). Big whoop. I do things because I want to; I don't care who does and does not read this. I like that about myself. It's quite freeing, you should try it if you haven't yet.
In the end, I think there is no escape from facing your demons, but you don't have to go straight to the boss fight. There are levels to this game, as I've come to find out. Eventually, you'll get so good that the boss fight becomes just another level in your game of life.
Take your time, most of your time is spent in the journey anyway. Enjoy it.