It was quite gradual, for the last three months or so I've been maintaining my project on a weekly basis, it was quite hard to show up and make some improvements even though no one asked for them. Yet I have to, it is my product, it is up to me to make things better for my users. Some of them were not great but other things even the users did not think of. It was also a shift in ownership, the rewards are not as obvious or even as guaranteed as when you work for someone a paycheck. At the same time you have to believe what you are doing will pay off in some distant future. Turns out I was already practicing this, I just needed to put two and two together.
A rewardless daily practice
I've spoken about writing quite a lot here. It doesn't need to be writing. Writing is just a proxy for practicing something for it's own sake, expecting no rewards. I'm so glad I decided to start writing almost everyday. Not only has it helped me overcome my fears of being judged, it has done way more. It has taught me to speak my mind clearly and honestly. Realizing that other people liking what I do is their task, it's not up to me. My job is to show up, do a marginally better job than I did the day before and do it all over again the next day. I've even removed the need for actively looking for a way to be better, I don't know what better is, If I did I would just do that. I find showing up and doing what you can to the best of my ability today to be good enough. Can it be better? Always. Is there a more efficient way to do this? Most likely. Is there a replacement for time in the saddle? Not if you want to be any good.
A small shift from wanting impressions, likes, views to simply writing everyday for it's own sake has been quite powerful. It's been seeping into other aspects of my life. With a similar idea I decided to start streaming a month ago now. My goal was simple, to simply stream almost everyday. I want to get good at Zig, so that's what I stream about. My goal is to write Zig more often, that is the only goal of the stream for me, to help me get consistent. To try out fun projects and to do it...you guessed it; almost daily. Sometimes a few people show up other times it's just me, but every time I am there I make progress on the thing I'm working on. So I have already won. Everything else is a ruddy bonus.
I was speaking about my project earlier, I don't know if it's through some osmosis in the brain but I've been finding it energizing to show up and improve the product on a daily basis. Each night while I try to fall asleep I think of ways I can make the product better. It is quite an unbalanced obsession towards mastery and wealth. Yet, that is the season of life I find myself in right now. I am all in. This could be my last opportunity to live breathe and dream programming most hours of my day. I want to enjoy it while I still can. Who knows what tomorrow holds.