It's a tough bitch, this whole disappointment that comes despite the effort. Not just a starter problem I think, just the scale of it gets bigger. My initial reaction was consolation but then I stopped myself. Whats wrong with being disappointed at times? Does it just not mean you care about the outcome? Maybe I need to do things slightly differently? Only if it it continues to be this way, for now I will not be changing much of anything. Especially not with this frame of mind. What am I talking about? I'm talking about streaming. It is most definitely unreasonable to expect anything other than how it's going considering it's at most been a month and a half since I've started to do it. I don't want to ignore it, I acknowledge the way I feel so that I can carry on. I accept that it will feel like this now and again, for the foreseeable future and for as long as I try new or challenging things. I'd rather continue to do that and feel the disappointment than face the alternative. I've learned the hard way that the avoidance of pain is also pain, and it's the devil because you stand to gain nothing once the pain ceases.
It's just time for my monthly check in with the Coach's email that I read at least once a month now. I've come to realize like most things a reminder of why you do things is important on a regular basis, to revisit them often. It's not a switch, it's not like you decide something a few months ago and expect yourself to just know. Maybe you do, but I don't, it's not even close. I monthly reminders on what it is that I'm trying to do here and why. By here I mean the planet. Writing helps a lot. It's why my themes are quite similar from one post to another. They are reminders or notes to myself, so originality is not what I'm looking for. The irony is that I don't go back and read all of them, but I revisit them when I'm updating an idea, it helps to know what it is that I am updating from.
Hey, what do you know, the disappointment has passed. All I needed to do was sit in it for about fifteen minutes. I'll still read the email though. It's one of my favorite pieces of writing ever. He is a GigaChad if he writes emails like that. It aligns with my Ethos of mastery and process. It's the best way to know yourself, to do something hard and way beyond what you can do already. You'll find parts of yourself laying dormant just waiting for the opportunity to see daylight. You'll also have frequent visits from the parts you are ignoring, they too just need their time in daylight for a brief moment. There is no good or bad feeling I think, it all comes from the same place, within you. It just is. No interpretation needed, all they ask for is to be felt, probably why they are called feelings. Once you do, they go along on their merry way and so can you.