If I'm completely honest with myself, the effort I'm putting in is completely lackluster. It has been bothering me for the last few weeks, and despite me trying to push those feelings aside, I have had to face it. Looking the other way only adds to the problem and creates new problems. I know I've done it enough times and faced the consequences too. Maybe I can be wise and take action before shit hits the fan. I'm fat, broke, and bald it's the ultimate loser trifecta. It is rock bottom, so at least there's that. The truth does set you free. I've known this truth for a while, and I'm taking action to take steps in the other direction. It's been a while since I upped the effort level. It's better, but it's not enough. If it's not enough, what is even the point of trying? It's going to be hard, it's going to suck, yet I must do what I need to do. It'll be wasted potential otherwise.
In the spirit of small changes, I've introduced a simple one. First thing when I wake up, I grab my coffee and head straight to work. Starts are quite important for me. For instance, on the days when I stream first thing in the morning, I tend to get a lot more done than on the days I don't. In fact, on the days I don't stream, I tend to do almost nothing for the rest of it. It's weird but true. There is no point fighting it. On the contrary, it seems a lot easier to focus on the start, since the rest of it mostly falls into place. If it doesn't, at least I've done that one thing. Kind of like that one Navy guy who spoke about making your bed in the morning. Making the bed just doesn't do it for me, even though I make it every morning. What does work is doing something difficult, like overcoming the first few minutes of hesitation before starting the stream. I tend to dilly-dally a bit before. If I take the decision-making away, it seems a lot easier.
It truly comes down to being honest with oneself. If I was content with the way things were, I wouldn't bother with it. But I'm not. I know I can do better and I want to. I know what is better from the days that I've hit the mark. It's not to please anyone else or meet any external expectations, but rather to be the best I can be. That's all I have to say about that.