When I decided to write everyday (almost) about seven months ago, my very first excuse was, what am I even going to write about, every fucking day? This always means I don't have a title, really. If you think about it that's all there is. The first time I sat down and was drawing a blank I realized there are so many things running through my brain right now, I just did not know what it meant. They weren't cohesive. Fuck it, why does it need to be. Sometimes it can just be random strings of consciousness all muddled together. If the goal is to write, what does it matter. Too many times I get stuck in the details, the perfection, and the worst one of them all; praise. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Most of the time when I was writing before, I would always picture how people would react to it and think that I'm clever or funny. Now that I think of it, I used to do it when I was working on my side projects too. Which explains why so many got left undone. The things that I have completed or been able to stick with consistently have been things I have done because I wanted to do it. The ego is the enemy...sometimes.
Spillage
Somehow this intention has leaked into other aspects of my life. Simply by practicing the act of writing daily for it's own sake I've been able to do so many things and stick with them too. Be it building features on my product, streaming, or working on my side projects. It's amazing how things are so connected. You can use your strengths to lift up your weaknesses. Who would have known. Technology.
Who cares?
No one does really. That is why I've shifted my mindset to do it for me. I write what I would like to write, build what I want to or am curious about. All external appreciation has been removed, only thing that is left is me and the action. It's a lot peaceful too. It's consistent, I show up almost everyday but the quality differs, I am an imperfect being so what I do will be too. I try to take notes of when something feels off, and I try to be mindful and understand why. This works every fucking time. As long as I stick with it, the results follow.
Usually when I start something, I start of with mediocre effort and without even trying it evolves. As I get better the more effort I seem to want to put in. It changes as I get comfortable with a current level of expertise but overall it's like an index fund, it compounds out of control. I've switched from starting strong to starting meh. It's the in between and the length of the curve that truly matters. This does also mean I only do things that I truly want to, most of the time. As I realize the amount of effort it takes to get good at anything. And I want to be fucking good.
You see, I have nothing to write about.