IDD: Intuition driven decisions

I'm not a religious person at all. I'm quite content with reality as it is. Still working towards being content internally despite external circumstances. All my goals are moving targets, and I don't see why I need to postpone being content. It is more about the journey than the destination. Also, from my own experience I have found that the elation felt when you achieve a goal is temporary, it's not long before the goal post moves and the elation ceases to exist. That being said, there is one woo-wooey thing that I do. Whenever my intuition sends me a signal, I commit to it fully. The price is sometimes quite high, the upsides have always been higher. Every time I listen to it, the next time the signals are stronger, usually felt in my gut. I can/will never recommend that you do this. The truth is, I don't know why I do it, but that I can't help myself.

The first time I ever made a major decision based on my intuition was to become a diving instructor after spending four years studying computer science. What followed was five years of absolute fun and being broke. Year six, I had the nagging feeling that it's time to move on. After wandering around trying out a few career options from selling deserts, video editing, crypto miner and graphic design. None of which felt right. Then coincidentally a friend of mine brought up programming and sent me a pdf of a C# book. I was hooked instantly, and I was so sure that I did not renew my instructor license that year. It was one of the hardest year of my life, but boy was I right. Not only did I find was able to revisit something I loved, I was able to succeed at it on the second attempt six years later.

I'm in the midst of another such decision. Last year, I found myself being really unhappy, not with programming, but with all the crap that surrounded it, when you work at a company. I don't mind the occasional meeting, to make sure things are on track. But when there are endless meetings that don't accomplish anything, it's sucks all the joy out of programming. When you spend eighty percent of the time in meetings, it leads to burnout, at least for me. My first job I was working eighty to ninety hours a week, sometimes more, but I never felt tired or burnt out. It was an interesting problem to solve, and I was the only one working on the front-end code. The only requirement was the end result, there were no meetings. I learned so much in that first job. So when I was fired a year and a half into my latest job, I decided to do something about it. I got a few job offers, but none of them felt right, so I decided against them. What followed was that I built a couple of products that no one wanted and then spent a few weeks being depressed, not wanting to leave the house or the couch. Something good came out of it, I decided to get help.

Getting help, did not solve any of my problems. But it did something better, my therapist was able to show me the flaws in my way of thinking. Instead of becoming a victim of my own mind, I was able to learn how to navigate the inevitable problems of life, slightly better. That was four months ago, since then I have been able to have a better relationship with myself. Looking back, I'm glad I put myself in that dark place. I was able to deal with things I have been carrying around for two decades. I'm not out the woods completely yet. Working for yourself is amazing, but that also means you don't receive a paycheck regularly. It's something I'm learning to do better, and I know I will.

If you think I'm crazy to jump all in when my intuition says so, you are probably right. But it has served me well, it never goes the way I think it will, but it has always been for the best. It's helped me become the person I am today.