Most of the work I do goes unnoticed. For the longest time, I took it personally. At the same time, whenever I looked back at the work I put out there, most of it was just garbage. It's not a bad thing. It allowed me to evolve my work into something that was a little less garbage. Now imagine having everything you do get attention. It would probably be the last time you try anything new, or something you suck at, or ironically wish that you could be invisible. For a while now, I've been working on things that almost no one knows about, the reps that I have been putting in, the progress that I've made. It's been quite freeing to be able to explore whatever it is that I wish to. It might also be that regular programming is no longer the rage. To be honest, I couldn't care less. This is the thing I love (programming); I know because it's all I think about if I'm not writing any code. Everything else has taken a back seat, and I'm quite enjoying it. I've always wanted to be fucking good at something; I'm just glad I've found that something.
Authenticity does not mean good or popular
Both good and popular are outside of your control, as they are someone else's opinion of you or your work. Just because you are trying to be yourself does not mean that others have to care about it; in most cases, they don't. The good news is that being yourself is awesome in its own right. Knowing what you want, going after it regardless of what anyone really thinks. That is the true prize. Everything else is either a bonus or a distraction. It took me a while to realize this.
Once in a while, someone reaches out (very, very rarely) to me and says they really enjoyed what I've written. It happens so much later that most times I'm not even sure what I actually wrote there. Surprisingly, it's quite amazing when this happens. It provides the fuel to carry on, mostly because you are finding people who actually care about what you have to say. In fact, they were looking for exactly what you said. I'll be honest, this blog is probably not the easiest to find, which makes it even more surprising when someone actually finds it and then reaches out. What are the odds of that?
Exploration of the common
Recently I find myself exploring the process that most people including me go through when we are not good but on the process of making ourselves better. There a few things that we face along the way, like the feeling of invisibility. Strangely, the more time I spend doing rather than thinking about what could or should be; the more I see the value in the process and all the hardships both real and fictional faced along the way. This is quite fun, I'm understanding myself a lot better. It's been helpful in maintaining focus and keeping my eyes of the prize.