Since April of this year (2025) I've been waking up at 0400 so that I can stream and work on my side projects. Mornings have been good for me. It's the only time during my day where I can just focus for hours on end. So I decided to maximize this time. Really I should wake up at 0300 but that would mean going to bed at 1900. It seemed a bit too extreme for me if I want to maintain any sort of relationship in the future. It's never really been easy to wake up that early. Until this week, especially yesterday I wasn't going to stream but I still woke up at 0545 and just got to work. This morning too, I felt like I could just get up without having to dread the alarm. Also around this time I find myself being awake before the alarm even rings. It's a small victory for me, but I'll take it. As most of the other things in my life still seem like an uphill battle.
Getting to work first thing in the morning is quite awesome. I seem to be more focused and seem to stay focused for longer too. Except this morning where I forgot I was supposed to do it, but the minute I realized I turned the stream on and got to work. I'm noticing that on the days I start streaming as soon as I sit down I also tend to stream for longer without even realizing that I've been streaming for over a couple of hours. It's just the rest of the day that is still hit or miss for me. But I know I can do it. I'm trying to capture as many small victories as I can in the hopes that they'll add up. They have been so far. Sometimes they feel so small that they seem insignificant and I wonder if this is all a waste of time. That's just part of the journey I guess.
I've also noticed that the last few weeks I've not really been present a lot. I find myself thinking about the past or the future or some other shit that's on my mind right now. It's not an off switch I suppose. If I take anything away from the whole waking up thing, it's safe to assume that it will take at least four to five months for it to be concrete. All I need to ensure is that I keep trying for at least that long. At some point this will get easier. Strange thing is during those four or five months it feels like it never will, so it's good to have gone through it with at least one thing. It helps my other pursuits.