Couldn't sleep last night, which is quite unusual as usually I'm fall asleep a few minutes after my head hits the pillow. After an hour of twisting and turning, I got up and went to the couch. As soon as I got to the couch, a question came to me? Have I wasted my life? My immediate reaction was to ignore it, but after a while I accepted that I might have wasted a lot of my life. It did not feel honest either, and it felt too general. This morning as I was prepping my meals, I went through a laundry list of important days in my life. Turns out it's only recently that I've wasted the most amount. Sometime around 2022 I stopped trying, my heart kept trying to telling me that something is not right but my ego had taken full control. I was under the impression that I was good, looking back, I wasn't even close to being good.
The scary thing is that it was slow, the slow deterioration. So slow, that I've only realized it in the last few months of (its 2025 now). It's not meant as an exercise to put me down but rather an exercise is honesty. The truth is not pleasant to look at, but it will set me free. I can blame a lot of things but at the end of the day I was looking for those excuses and I found them. The truth is, if you want something worthwhile, it's not going to be easy, it's going to take more effort than anything else you've ever done. Luckily you've got way more in you than you think you do. So much so that you might never get close to your limits, I hope you do.
Also, in other news. Turns out programming a few minutes before bed is not a good idea. I decided to an hour of working on the linter before bed, I started getting into it just a few minutes before bed which wasn't great as I couldn't sleep and had to stop just when I got into the groove of things. Turns out sometimes it takes about thirty minutes to get into the flow.