Almost did not stream today, and I know why. I'm understanding myself better. It was because I was doing something I always have been doing, to stare at the mountain and miss the path in front. It's important to have a sense of where you are going but not at the cost of stopping. It might seem stupid, but when I started streaming today I had no plan on how I was going to be able to tackle the problem. In case you are wondering, I've got to figure out how to render text on to a display. I've done it once with Raylib but the library took care of the details for me. To be honest I have no idea how I'm going to do this. But something strange happened during the stream, I was able to define the problem better and although it might not seem like much, but it gave me a small sense of confidence that I might just be able to do it. I know I can do it, I just need to show up to the problem.
This is quite a new experience for me, usually it takes me a few days to ponder over this, till I finally sit down and attack the problem, but today I decided to skip the pondering stage (with great difficulty I might add) completely. I wasn't able to solve the problem, but I did a bit of refactoring and it helped me see things a tiny bit more clearly.
I'm glad I started streaming
Even though the last seven days that I've been streaming the average viewership has been a grand total of one. There are other aspects to it, that are way more valuable. For instance I wake up at four in the morning so that I can stream without it affecting work or working out. The second best thing is that I've been able to consistently work on my side project for longer time that I would have usually.
Actually, there are a few more things. I'm getting quite confident with the way I speak and find that the knowledge of knowing no one is actually watching to be quite freeing. I find it quite free to explore and just be myself. It would be great to have someone else show up or find it interesting but in the meantime the experience is already rewarding. It's best not to compare, especially I'd like to be myself, or as much of it is appropriate or I would like to share.
This is great, one of my fears has been being judged by others and being found out to be incompetent, but now that I've done a few streams it's not as bad as I thought it might have been. I've also not told anyone I know that I am streaming, and I probably won't be, less pressure that way and not everyone needs to know. Maybe I'll tell them later.