It's not really a surprise, well it shouldn't be at least. Yet it's one thing to know and whole another thing to do something about it. I've spoken about how I've been quite distracted for the last month or two. It's only since I started looking at the actual hours of my life I have been zoning out that I've come to realize how high the number was. I knew it was a high number but it's totally different when you have a look at the actual number. Don't judge me but the last couple of months it's been averaging around 6-7 hours every fucking day. It's a huge fucking number. The thing is I've still been able to operate, got the things I need to get done but that's not what I'm concerned about. Around the same time I've noticed that I haven't been very creative or excited about much. How can I be, when there is no time for my mind to breathe. I've known about this for a while now. Your weaknesses have a way subtly hiding in your strengths, you could look at it either way. One of my strengths is to stay focused, committed to a goal for a very long time, it's an obsession. It's been programming for about five years, or the road to squatting 200Kg for the last couple of years (currently at 170Kg), or waking up at insane hours (4am) because I decided that I would like to stream. I'm in love with the process to a fault. I loose sight of the goal, I'm happiest when I'm pursuing a hard thing. The harder the goal is to achieve, the longer I will pursue it. Apparently the flip side of it is that I have an addictive personality. Over the years I've been addicted to food, nicotine, caffeine, porn, sex, youtube and so on. I've been quite "lucky" to have stayed away from drugs, things would have taken a nasty turn of events otherwise. I've been working on them as I understand if I don't do something about this I'll be filled with regret about the things I could have done. I've managed to get a handle on food, porn and sex to some degree which on their own I would have never thought I'd be able to. I've wrestled with them for the most part of a decade and a half. Some part of my mind is panicking and seems to ramped up on the other addictions. Caffeine and nicotine I can live with. As you can still get nicotine from a gum in much higher doses. Just to give you a picture I've fallen asleep with a nicotine gum in my mouth, more that half a dozen time. Still I really don't mind it. It's the least of my worries. My current war has been with YouTube, if you have read this far you know I've been loosing all the battles. It's only by the strength of the big man upstairs (it's God if you are wondering) that I still believe I can get through this. Not just survive but make the best of it. Sticking to my strengths I know it's about showing today no matter how the last day went. You win some you loose some. Show up do the work and go home. No beating yourself up, no feeling sorry and no getting impatient.