Yesterday around midday, I had the realization that I spend far too much time being distracted and that I need to do something about it. The amount is embarrassingly high, it averaged around seven hours a day last week. It's not a guess either; thanks to the Screen Time app on my iPad, I know it's exactly that much. I knew I might fail again in a few hours and be back in exactly the same spot on the couch, even if I stopped right then. I was right, I was back in about four hours. Yet I wanted to try. I know I have the ability to do it, and I'm much happier and more content when I spend my time on things that I really want to do.
I have designed my life to be able to get all the things that are important to me done as early in the day as possible. That's why, about six months ago, I decided to wake up at 4:00 AM. Imagine what would be possible if I got just five of those hours back and spent them on my craft, work, or myself.
I've always struggled with this, for as long as I can remember. It's my earliest addiction. Something I've had since I can remember. Luckily, early on for about four years, I was able to see what I was like when I wasn't distracted. Those were some of the best four years of my life, between the ages of 11 and 15, when I just enjoyed reading. I read everything I could get my hands on. If I finished reading all the books I had, I would go back and read them again. I even started reading the Bible when I had nothing else to read. I want that back.
I'm 32 now and forced to bring change to my life for my own wellbeing. This is quite recent too. It's only in the last two or three years that it's gotten to this point. Yet something must be done. The best way to ensure failure is to do nothing.
So far, the most effective game changer has been to meditate on my addictions as they rise up. It's made positive changes to my addictions to porn and food. In the last year, I've made huge strides of improvement in those areas. Now it's time to face the main boss. So I'm going to stick to what has worked and let meditation be my guide.
The goal is simple: when I have the urge to be distracted, I see if I can sit with it for about 10 to 15 minutes and really observe what's going on. It sounds too simple, but it's not easy. After the 15 minutes are up, there is no expectation to have overcome the addiction. The goal is to get it to an hour, then seven. It's definitely very slow progress, and results are almost invisible. You don't "feel" like you're making progress. Somehow it works for me. I do like process over results anyway, so I'm sticking to my strengths on this one. Let's see how this goes.