I just gave myself the best lesson of my life. I put my ugliest and darkest truths out in the sun. On their own. No explanations, no reasons or justifications. I tasted freedom on a level that I never have before. I did not and still don't care…
As part of getting better at Zig, I've been working on building a Compiler for about a month or so now. My understanding of Zig has just sky rocketed in the last month or so. It's easy when you know nothing. To the point that I…
The ache is back, the pain of staying the same is now far superior to the pain of making the changes. It's fascinating how much you can learn about yourself, what you really want, if you dive into the cesspool of your undistracted mind. Does it also mean…
I've been working on getting out of my own way for a while now. It's a lot harder than I imagined and especially harder to face the facts of who I am, not as something written in stone but rather a place to start. As I…
When I start of something new or something uncomfortable, I've come to find that the reason I procrastinate is the discomfort of the unknown. I feel it in my bones, it feels like a waste of time and soon I feel like a waste of time. None of…
It fills me with pride to think how much I've grown. This would have been demoralizing and heart breaking to me in the past. It has been this time too. But not enough to break me. I have the wisdom of experience, to know where the road to…
You know how you know certain things and just as easily when you need it the most you are blind to it? That's been my last two weeks. Luckily my past self left some subtle reminders for me. I came across it, exactly when I needed it the…
This morning like most of my morning for the past couple of weeks I have been waking up with a dread. The thought of having to do this forever, just scares the living shit out of me. Mostly because even after a couple months of waking up at 0400, it…