It's a rough figure of how long I have been programming for. It's a very conservative number but one that feels accurate in comparison to my current capabilities. If I'm honest with myself, I'd say it's about right. There is a lot that I don't know yet, but the maniac in me loves that idea. Why wouldn't he? He is oblivious to the challenges yet to come. I think this is a gift; it gets us deep enough into the rabbit hole that it would cost too much to turn back now.
The most exciting thing is that, since I've started programming, this year has been my most intense one yet. I've written more code this year compared to all of last year. It's music to my ears to know that with every hour the desire just grows. Even though it took me two attempts to really fall in love with programming, I'm so glad I came back for a second try. The pursuit of excellence in my craft has given me quite the purpose; it makes me want to wake up early, work on things that are way outside of my comfort zone and, most importantly, want to challenge myself. I've been yearning for this all my life, a desire to be fucking good at a thing.
Everywhere you get to see the best in action and it's exciting to watch. Even the things I don't really care much about. I spent two hours this Saturday morning watching someone play Rust. I don't play any games, nor did I know about Rust, and yet it was fun to see someone who is good at it. I only clicked on it because I thought it was about Rust the programming language.
Seeing parts of yourself that otherwise remain hidden
The other amazing thing about the pursuit of something hard or mastery is that you get to see parts of yourself that otherwise remain dormant. There is nothing like coming face to face with your inadequacy and it stares right back at you. It invokes a flight or fight response; you want to be anywhere but where you are right now. Yet the act of staying right where you are, staring it right back for another minute or hours is quite the character builder. There is also nothing like the exhilaration of overcoming it. Only to come back a few days later to face another seemingly formidable opponent. Over time you realize, it becomes more about self-mastery than the thing you are pursuing. You are at war against the person you were, and walking towards the person who comes back every hour to face their own demons.