I just gave myself the best lesson of my life. I put my ugliest and darkest truths out in the sun. On their own. No explanations, no reasons or justifications. I tasted freedom on a level that I never have before. I did not and still don't care about the outcome, I have had a chance to understand myself. All my attempts to seem like a polished, edgeless and soft person, were the same things that made me feel like a piece of turd. Some lessons are learned through actions, when the stakes are high, it's the only time to learn. Want to face your fear of rejection, do things that you think will get you rejected, there is no other way. If you truly wish to be free. I am talking to the man in the mirror. Your darkest, ugliest parts of yourself also need recognition from you. That's all they ever asked for, their moment of acknowledgment. From you. In this case me. I cannot, will not and do not speak for anyone else. This is your fucking life, you have to figure out the answers. No one has got answers to questions only you posses. If you think they do, you are still lost my dear friend. Hope you will find yourself one day.
Today feels like the first day of my life. Nothing has happened, at least nothing that meets the eye, yet I feel like my world has been changed. I suppose it has. This is who I have been looking for all my life. Someone who is truly himself and makes no apologies for who he is. I've been waiting for you, a long time.
So what now? What changes? Nothing at all. I go after things as I always have been, continue the work. This is not a switch, I will forget this lesson and relearn it again as I have just now. The strangest part of all of this. I put myself on this path about six or more months ago. When I wrote this down. The truth indeed will set you free. You just don't know when that is. I'm grateful to my past self having the courage to face it. There are still a couple of things that are not there in that list. Maybe I'll reveal those one day or not. The people who I care about already know, that works for me.