A meditation on the author by the author written down for the author
This is what I think of myself deep down. This is the foundation on which I've try to build my castle on. I think I am a worthless piece of shit. I've tried to ignore this truth before and it's probably why I never followed through with a lot of my goals. Started but never finished. Why admit this now? My last formula of ignoring this truth or acting to prove this truth wrong is not really working. I want to face it. I have powered through this before but eventually it gets me. So this time I want to give this the light of day it so craves. The truth shall set you free, if you let it. So with that hope I'm facing one of my core belief. Not to fight it or to prove it wrong. It's probably right, part of me is a complete loser. So what. It's no coincidence that this should come up now. I'm building momentum, doing things I never thought I'd be able to, pushing through past limitations. I don't want to do it to prove to myself that I'm not a loser. I want to do it because I enjoy doing them. I'm letting go of my desire to prove myself right or wrong. I just want to do what I need to do. I'm not ignoring it either. I accept that this part of me exists. Just like I'm a coward, a liar at times. Just like I'm honest and one of the most courages person I know at times too. All of these things make me...well me. That's all I have to say about that.
Most of my posts are self-centered, well you are always the center of your world. This is the medium through which you operate. I'm not ashamed of it. It's the only way I can think of that I get to know myself, is by willing to see the truth when it appears.