What now?

Yesterday I had the realization that most of the things that made me sabotage my own progress was because I was living in the past. Mainly because of how I learned to deal with things as a child. Also, because I never revisited those strategies until much later in life. To be completely fair to myself, it was not everything that was the problem, but just a few things that needed addressing and I did not know how. Luckily seeking help from a professional helped me address those things in other ways, it was obvious once he helped me see them, but till that point I never saw them. It's helped me move forward, think about what I can do now and go from there.

As I was looking back I would say it's the most obvious change that I have gone through, it's the focus on what can I do now and not dwelling too much in the past.

My goal is to not be perfect, I like some of my flaws, some I can work on by myself, now that I have the tools. Once I was able to work out a few of my own flaws, it showed me better ways to deal with the others. Moreover it's allowed me to see my strengths more clearly. It sounds simple and it is in hindsight, but when I was in the hole of my own creation, I never thought I'd see the end of it. Let alone be better off than I have ever been.

To some degree, it's also having gone through something tough for a year and a half, or more probably had something to do with it as well. A build up of resilience over the course of that time. It's maybe what's allowing me to enjoy the progress I have made and continue to make.

The present is the only thing that matters. I'm learning to appreciate all that I do have and making the best of it. Maybe even get a bit better, slowly everyday. It is a bit vague but I've told this story a few times before here. This one is just for me, I know the details and this is just a reminder to myself.