Some lessons in life just take a lot of tries to get through my thick head. It's fucking hilarious. This morning I was thinking why is it so hard to act. To do the things I want to do. Yea, you heard that right, things I want to do, not need to. Usually it's when I have to do something I have done before. I jump ahead to the end result and all of a sudden it looks like a bloody mountain. It is a little bit but all I can do right now is take the first step. For some reason I've completely forgotten it this week.
I'm able to write fairly easily and for some odd reason I started thinking about, what would people like to read. Who the fuck cares? Really? If anyone does read any of this, there is not enough context to make sense. It's just for me and maybe a handful of people who just grok what I'm talking about. If that many.
Had to link the article that always comes to my mind when I think of the word grok.
The secret is still the same. It does not matter if you know how to do something or are coming across a completely foreign concept. Take the step right fucking front of you. The next steps will show up themselves. Once you know the direction switch to magnifying glasses and only bring out the fish eye lenses now and again when absolutely necessary.
Fuck fun
I was thinking it's been a while since I've had any fun. Then I realized that I only think so because the things I think to be fun have changed. Or should I say, my priorities have changed. I've come to realize I will only be really fucking good at one or two things in life. Maybe above average at a few other things, but what I really care about are the things or thing I can be fucking good at. For me programming is and has been it for the last few years and will continue to be, till I no longer care about it. Lately I have been getting better, this year I have been seeing a lot of improvements in the liquidity with which I program. Coincidentally it's also the year I have written the most amount of code since I decided to quit everything and learn to code five years ago.
It's still not easy to show up everyday and write more code. I'm not even talking about work. That's just a given. It's all the code I write on my own time. Which strangely enough is more than the amount I write at work. Back to my point about fun. It might appear that I have no fun, you are probably correct. Because if you want to get good at something, you've got to do a lot more of the thing for starters. Practice never looks like fun, yet for the practitioner it's a sacred place. One where he spends his days, weeks, months, years and decades. It's a glorious place to be. You learn more about yourself than any therapy session can. When you walk the path, you learn about the walker, the destination was never the goal. It was only there to get you to look within by making you want something that you thought completed you. So yea, fuck fun. I don't do what I love, I love what I do. There is a huge difference. I choose to love every aspect of programming.
Some unnecessary context
This was written as I was listening to Thuderstruck on repeat.