Don't know how by every time I turn my back for a minute, I find myself turning to AI for everything. The truth is though, if there is an easier way I'll take it, but not without it eating away at me slowly. I know it's not the thing I need to do, yet I try to convince myself otherwise. By this time, I've lost count of how many times I've tried to not use AI, I've canceled my account and would like to face the fact that I've been cutting corners for the past few weeks. It's time to get back on track.
But why?
For joy. A few months ago, I wanted to follow my curiosity of drawing things on the screen. It came in the form of the browser project. It took me a month to do network stuff in Zig and then start drawing stuff on the screen. It took another couple of months for me to draw and then implement scroll. I did it in a language that I was just learning without any help from AI. I cannot describe the joy I felt when I saw scroll working on the page. I figured out something and the confidence that it gave me to go on and tackle the next difficult problems is indescribable. The sense of accomplishment and the feeling that I'm on the right track is simply worth far more than any short term checklist. I want that back.
Hard things all the time
Recently I've been practicing complete honesty starting with myself. Even the smallest things. It's leaking it's way to my conversations, which have increased in quality since then. It's giving me clarity on who I am and how I operate. Then how to align my goals, my wants and desires. It's a slow process, there are no instant rewards, but for the first time I am content. Doesn't mean I do nothing, quite the contrary. I'm going after everything I ever wanted, on my terms.
I'd like to document the experience here. I'll take notes on the challenges I'm facing and how I intend to solve them, or simply face them.
I'd like to thank Prime for the inspiration.